Nolan has this habit of creating a dirty, stinky diaper at nap time but I've caught on. He was fussing so I headed down with diaper and wipes in toll, ready for attack (it is too much work to walk back up the stairs when I am 30 lbs heavier than 7 months ago). We cleaned up and rocked. He laid so nice and was snoring in 3 minutes. Evan was already snoring. I was able to rock my sleeping 22 month old while watching my sleeping 4 year old. I started to smile, then started to think about Baby coming and the scary, unknown's crept in. Then I was sad. I was sad because I don't know that I WANT this. I don't know because "it" is not here because Baby is not here. I talked to God and found my way to the online group and wouldn't you know it, I ended up here: http://skiingthroughlife.wordpress.com/ I am not alone and I know what to do when I am feeling hopeless in raising a child or adult with Ds. God knows the answers, I do not have to. I also do not have to do this alone because of all the friends and family who have graciously shown so much support. Thank you.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Anger proceeds me as I begin this blog but it's not because of what anyone has said or done. It is my own disappointment in my feelings about having a baby with Ds. I am beginning to get cold feet and I do not like it. Maybe, and hopefully, it is hormonal. Okay, really, it's more than that, it has to be. But, it might not be the reality I'm about to face with my family and friends. It might be this whole body of unknowns. I breath deeper now. Both of my boys are napping.