You know what hurts? When I wondered about this baby having Ds, I did not imagine taking pictures and putting them into photo books the way I have with Evan and Nolan. I wondered, "Who will look at these in 30 years?" WOW!!! What was I thinking? HE WILL! Evan will. Nolan will. Who knows, maybe his wife will!!! I will, for sure! What hurts next? His children? Well, probably not. I think there are only 3 recorded males with Ds who have reproduced. Well, it leads to more thoughts, like, "Would I really want my child with Ds to be responsible for a baby?" The answer is of course "no" unless he was normal or high functioning. Well, enough of that. The point is, some things hurt when you are a parent. And, Ds is not the only reason things do not happen in life. I remind myself of that when I go down this road.
There are many things this little boy will be and do that only 1 in 700-800 babies born gets to experience. I do not know what that quite entails, but this is a link to an article that claims it is something not to fear, something special: http://www.downsyndromecentre.ie/blog/2010/jun/09/down-syndrome-and-evidence-divine/ I do not place all of my faith into thinking that this is something other than what it will be, but I admit that I really want there to be something unknowingly special about children with Ds. Many people say there is. Some parents of children with Ds say that as well, but many say they are children as are their others (more same than different).
Anyways, I think Ds has just gotten smaller for me now. I smile to myself because Joe and I have talked about how it could be that talking about something is a healing process for me. "I don't know Joe, it just is". I think he should be grateful it is free!! Ha Ha. No, really, it is not easy or something just to tease about, but it really does help me. I think that is why being a counselor is fitting for me. Or, why it has become a thing that when Evan goes to bed, he usually needs me to end the night so we can talk. "Talk to me Mom" he says. You know, another thing that came out of his mouth today?? "How did that baby get in there?"
Well, I'm going to leave it at that. How would you answer that question to a 4 year old? I knew it would happen, just not so soon. I guess that's what I get for walking around with a baby in my "tummy".