Saturday, August 21, 2010

Special needs; Cut!

I was tempted to delete the last post. I realize it was only 1.5 hours ago, but I have spent those 90 minutes reflecting on what I wrote and have have my eyes opened up. First of all, I remembered something I read in Martha Beck's Expecting Adam. First of all, I should say when I went to look up this quote, I opened up right to the page (312) and started scanning the exact paragraph it was in, no kidding. Anyways, here it goes:

With Adam, I had more fears than usual to plague me during those long, long nights. The problem was that it was impossible not to fall in love with him. It is a frightening thing to love someone you know the world rejects. It makes you so terribly vulnerable. You know you will be hurt by every slight, every prejudice, every pain that will befall your beloved throughout his life. In the wee small hours, as I rocked and nursed and sang to my wee small boy, I couldn't help but worry. Will Rogers once said that he knew worrying was effective, because almost nothing he worried about ever happened.

Beck goes on to say that what she did worry about did in fact happen, but that is not the point here. The point is, worry does not actually have any effect on the outcome. So, that leads me to the conclusion that what I will learn from being Calvin's mother is a lesson in letting go. I know it will take a lot of work and many reminders, especially for me!

God is Good. Joe is on his way to Madison with 3 of my brothers. They are going to celebrate the remaining days of their friend Seb's bachelorhood. I have little doubt that a) there will be lots of loud banter b) lots of beer c) lots of laughs and d) a very tired Joe. I am happy for him to be 33 going on 22. I am also feeling good about the boys fighting less this morning than other mornings. And finally, Nolan needed his diaper changed and when he saw me with the diaper he came over and laid down. That is down right a working of God! If you know our Nolan, he is not a force easily reckoned with. I will end with a couple of pictures of Calvin's more active tummy time this morning.

You might notice the 2 scratch marks on the poor boys temples. We are not practicing lobotomy, but rather futile attempts to completely eliminate harm caused by his big brother Nolan.


  1. He is so beautiful! and I hope your worries don't keep you up to late at night. From my eyes he's not different or unaccepted, he's extraordinary, beautiful and unique. I have always thought D's were the cutest and most loving people, and if I ever stare its in admiration. I hope you find comfort in my world and know that if you ever need someone to vent to I’ll be here.

  2. That is so sweet Holly! I'll never forget the way you reacted when I told you the first time. "That's okay!" with a big smile. You're right, it is okay and I think it would/will all be easier as I learn to let go of what I thought life would be like. I suppose this is all a part of the grieving process.

  3. I like the pictures!!! Thanks for sharing :)

  4. He is so strong, look at that head control!! sooo cute! Thanks for sharing, I appreciated the piece from expecting adam tonight as I have never read that book. Thanks for the encouragement. Hugs

  5. He looks, and sounds, like he is doing great! We all need to be reminded that worrying doesn't accomplish anything...Give it to God and trust that he knows he's doing...:) Thanks for reminding us all.