With Adam, I had more fears than usual to plague me during those long, long nights. The problem was that it was impossible not to fall in love with him. It is a frightening thing to love someone you know the world rejects. It makes you so terribly vulnerable. You know you will be hurt by every slight, every prejudice, every pain that will befall your beloved throughout his life. In the wee small hours, as I rocked and nursed and sang to my wee small boy, I couldn't help but worry. Will Rogers once said that he knew worrying was effective, because almost nothing he worried about ever happened.
Beck goes on to say that what she did worry about did in fact happen, but that is not the point here. The point is, worry does not actually have any effect on the outcome. So, that leads me to the conclusion that what I will learn from being Calvin's mother is a lesson in letting go. I know it will take a lot of work and many reminders, especially for me!
God is Good. Joe is on his way to Madison with 3 of my brothers. They are going to celebrate the remaining days of their friend Seb's bachelorhood. I have little doubt that a) there will be lots of loud banter b) lots of beer c) lots of laughs and d) a very tired Joe. I am happy for him to be 33 going on 22. I am also feeling good about the boys fighting less this morning than other mornings. And finally, Nolan needed his diaper changed and when he saw me with the diaper he came over and laid down. That is down right a working of God! If you know our Nolan, he is not a force easily reckoned with. I will end with a couple of pictures of Calvin's more active tummy time this morning.