I failed to mention yesterday (and cannot remember if I did on Monday) that a fill-in Pastor from the church I went to growing up has come to visit Calvin a couple of times. Those have been nice surprises. I do believe that speaking with God has helped aide Calvin's recovery. I also believe God is really good to focus on when the going gets tough AND progress is being made. God is in Everything. Therefore, I try to give it all to Him. I was not always like this. However, that journey will be another post. It did not start with my experiences with Calvin...
Calvin... Calvin has forced me on my knees however. I make a choice; it's either get up and run, or stay put and let God do the driving. I feel as though I've gotten more stressed with each passing day. I do believe it is because I realize with each day, how blessed I am. I know, blessings do not lead to stress. That is not exactly what I mean. I mean, each day Calvin heals more and more and I know that I am his mom and I should be there for him. However, I know that God is with him always and I find some peace in that. As you can tell, I have a ways to go on this journey, or I would find complete peace in that.
Calvin will likely be coming home in the next couple/few days. He was weaning off of oxygen and working on eating yesterday. Calvin was down to 21% O2 when I left, which is room air. I want that stuff off his face. See in the first picture how that tape left some damage to his poor little cheek? It is that and the other stuff stuck in him that temps me to pull it all out and run with him. I hate that in there. Again, I know he needs it right now.
I was also stressed about the feeds yesterday. He was not eating. He ate a bit over night but not much for me during the day. Well, it was thickened. At about 5:30pm the nurse suggested trying Pedialite. I didn't think he'd take it because it is thin. Well, guess what, he did! He also ate some straight breast milk after that too, totalling 4 ounces! I am pretty anxious to get there today and find out how he did overnight. The nurses and drs are very aware of his aspiration history and are watching/listening for that. His lungs sounded clear after that 4 ounces and he will have another chest x-ray this morning that should show if he aspirated overnight. This whole aspiration issue has been huge on my list of prayers. I pray that he no longer aspirates. Feel free to pray about that, too ;) God, if it is your will, help Calvin so he no longer aspirates. (I like to think God appreciates the simple prayers as much as the more complex).
Finally, Calvin was awake all but about 1 hour. The nurse even said he is one of the most alert babies she has seen. He watches everything. He moved down the hall (meaning he is less intensive in care needs) and twisted his little body to look all around as he was being wheeled there. The nurse thought that was so cute and she called him nosy! This is the other reason I want to take him and leave, he is so hard to walk away from when he's alert and looking around. I want to just hold him and snuggle.
Well, sure was a long update. I'll try to get another one in today, but it might not be until tomorrow. Godspeed!
Just a cat nap.
6:30pm and wide awake all day, but would rather talk to Grandma!