Monday, March 28, 2011

"sailed the ocean blue"

I have been thinking a lot about my post yesterday. I do like to write things out. It is like a plow and now I can look at those thoughts differently. I am afraid what I wrote might be taken as being superficial or that I am not happy with my 3 boys. That is not at all the case. I was thinking of it like being an explorer. Having my first child was new territory. It was exciting and there was much to discover. It was like setting out on the ocean. New plants, animals, depths, smells, fears, anxieties, you name it. However, it was so exciting I felt positive for so many reasons, even when I was exhausted! Everything was new.

Having my second child was like coming to shore in Brazil. The shore provided yet again an excitement and wonder. It offered a relationship to the ocean. They play together. They dance together. They wrestle and fight. I am in awe over this relationship. The shore offers a place to build a fire. It offers reprieve from the demands of the ocean. New creatures show their presence here. I am in love with the shore, just as I am with the ocean. I have become a bit more exhausted. I am a bit more desensitized. Therefore, I am not experiencing the same "high" though it's height is equally distanced, and the ocean and shore together are more powerful.

Now along comes my third adventure, my third discovery. I step inside the jungle and find such a vast amount of life I never could imagine existed. This is Calvin. There are things I hear that frighten me. I see poisonous creatures and am not sure what is safe. It presents more fear than I have felt thus far. However, there is excitement and wonder and beauty here. There is an abundance of love for what lies in the jungle. It is flavorful, healthy, peaceful. The ocean, shore, and jungle are meant to be together. They give each other life and I love to be a part of this new land.

When I mention wanting more, how couldn't I when thinking about it this way. Discoveries conditioned me to want more. However, I like it here so maybe I'll stay and settle down.

2 comments:

  1. :) I think when we have our first we think it will feel the same when the second comes, etc... and it just doesn't. Obviously my first experience is different than any others-- but when Levi was born it was so easy and beautiful and I felt wonderful and wanted to tell everyone about my new baby, etc.... I expected that when Isaac was born too-- but it wasn't the same-- I felt TERRIBLE didn't want to see or talk to anyone. And you do wonder what the "next" could bring. Yet, I'm so happy where I am, I may never know what the next could be. :)

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  2. I never thought that of your last post. I agree with that emotional high you had when you have your first. Each child is unique and brings a different experience. I always told people to be pregnant again "for the first time" would be fun! I am done with having kids and will enjoy what God has blessed me with. Whether you have more or not does not mean you are not happy with those adorable boys because I can tell you love those boys a ton and are a great mom. Maybe you were meant to have many more!!!:) Life is an adventure...only God knows what is in store for us!:)

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