It is unbelievable at times. I look through books and see pictures and remember how hard it was to "see" Down syndrome, or to read those words or hear things such as "low muscle tone, mental retardation".
I know I have almost completely healed. Calvin is so amazing, how could I not?
Calvin continues to have weekly Occupational Therapy. I am struggling with some inner guilt, high level feelings of responsibility, and even some frustration in regards to his physical and verbal development.
Sometimes it is hard to be the one who carries around the to-do list: Set up hearing eval follow-up, play with him, time for therapy, provide more stimulation, feed him, love him...you get the idea.
It is different than it was with Evan and Nolan. There was a general assumption those two would learn.
Evan could pic out a giraffe in a pile of toys when he was 9 months old. He could find the purple ball and sign 'more' right around the same time. He's a smart kid. He was HIGH needs, but smart. Nolan; he could make the best motor noise with his little lips at the age of 4 months old. He was also on his hands and knees at that age. He is physically sound, we'll say.
Now, take your typical mom worries and add on Down syndrome. This is not a "poor me" session. It is reality; my reality. I find myself getting defensive to those out there that minimize it. Why am I feeling as though someone is minimizing it? I guess there are still feelings to work on. I take responsibility for that as well. Heck, I'll take responsibility for all that is mine.
I need to end this and get to my book: "Early Communication Skills for Children with Down Syndrome". Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad book AND I should just be grateful I have a book to help. But sometimes I find myself whining inside "I don't want to read a school book, I don't want to learn these things, I just want to live life and feel free of this burden". So, God, I'm turning this one over to You. Afterall, I just want to love Calvin; not feel such a sense of frustration and guilt and responsibility.