Sunday, March 11, 2012

Dear Mom and Dad: A letter....

Dear Mom and Dad:  A letter for parents holding, or about to hold, a newborn with Down syndrome*

Dear Mom and Dad,
Today you were given a precious and rare gift.  I wish I would have just had a miscarriage.  Maybe he will not live very long.  I wish I did not have him.  Forgive yourself. 

You will love him and cherish him.  He is your child.  What if he is in diapers until he is 13?!  What if I do not think he is cute? What if he does not speak?  Is he going to need glasses?  Is he going to know I am his mom? What if...?  Is he...? Do not be afraid.

You will meet the most amazing people along your journey.  "Normal children ______." "Is he _____ yet?" What if they do not want to hang out with us anymore? Surround yourself with supportive people. 

You will fight for this child.  You will want the best for him.  "Down syndrome people..." "That's so retarded." Orphans. Other disabilities.  Advocate for yourself and your child.


He is rare and special.  There is no one else like him and you love him so much.  He's not ____ yet.  She's younger than him and he's not doing that yet. "He's so small!"  Do not compare.  


You will celebrate and rejoice in his successes.  You will see the world in a new light. I thought he would be ______ by now. When is he going to get past this baby stage? Be patient.

You have many options. What if daycare won't take him? He cannot eat that.  His immune system is compromised.  How can I best support his development? Think outside the box and ask many questions.  Find people you trust and reach out to them.

Today you met the fork in the road.  This is too hard.  I cannot do this.  I did not sign up for this.  It is not fair.  I wish..... Look for and declare the positive; hold on tight and never let go.

Sincerely,
Ilisa

*Dedicated to my neighbor who just joined us along this journey.  I am so excited for your family and to be able to do this together.  Our boys have a future together!  That brings joy to my heart.  




9 comments:

  1. great letter! Congratulations on your neighbor's new addition!!!

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  2. I love this...congrats to your friend. That is God's hand at work once again!

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  3. Beautiful. Congrats to your neighbor!

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  4. Congratulations to your neighbor! I think this may be my favorite post by you!

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  5. I love this. What a wonderful support your neighbor has...congrats to them!

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  6. Congrats to your neighbor! They are very lucky to have you for support!

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  7. I'm sitting in the NICU's nursing room trying to pump to leave milk for my baby boy born four days ago. I stumbled onto your blog and this letter from the Down Syndrome baby center board. Tears are streaming down my face as I read the words, especially the first few paragraphs. I have struggled between the fiercest love and the harshest disappointment since I glanced at our baby as they pulled him from my belly. I knew instantly he had down syndrome. Your letter has given me freedom and courage I haven't felt since he made his arrival. Thank you for your beautiful, honest words.

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    Replies
    1. prayers for you and your new family, new mama. and congrats!

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    2. I am so happy you found it! Congratulations!

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