Friday, June 22, 2012

C is for....Colten and Crank (sorry boys)

Here is my new nephew, Colten.  We went to visit him on Wednesday.  He felt just a tad heavier than air.  I cannot remember my boys to be so small.  However, I do think he looks a bit like Nolan did as a newborn - both tiny guys.

I am so happy for my sister-in-law and her husband.
Seeing a newborn sort of makes me crave one.  But not too bad.  As I said, I sold a lot of baby stuff at our garage sale and I'm going to continue working on selling some more this summer (another sale with a friend in August).  I try to remember the labor pain.  The sleepless nights.  The changing hormones.  The "I can't do anything except nurse" time.  I'm just not sure I want to go back to that.  I'm still paying my dues there.  I know that does not sound positive.  I don't mean it to sound negative, just more of a fact.  Calvin has been like having 2 or 3 babies.

This has been getting me in a funk.  I know it is because of the rest on my plate.  For example, I ran and swam this morning while the boys were at daycare (as they are now and I'm choosing to blog = guilt).  I have a to-do list a mile long and that will come next.  Anyway, as I ran I remembered a year ago I was running about 20 miles a week.  Not great, not too shabby.  The problem now is I'm still at about half that!  My own illnesses, the kids', the tired mornings, work training, and garage sale have not left a break yet for me this summer.  However, the good news is I am past that starting today (except next Saturday's commitment).

Next Saturday I am again hosting a race here in town.  I have put little effort in it.  I say I don't care, it will be wonderful either way, but I do care.  Yet, I have to meet myself where I am at.  I'll send the boys to daycare a couple of days next week and call it good.   Calvin has therapy Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday next week.  I am grateful for therapy, but it adds to my funk in that Calvin is 'more'.  Sure, he's worth it, etc. but lately it has felt like too much and then these extras have been weighing on me.

Yesterday he didn't eat much at daycare.  He has been a royal crank (not just for me either) and I don't really look forward to having him around.  In the morning he whines and cranks, if I walk by he does as well, if I hold him then put him down, crank, try to feed him food and he does not want it, crank.  I could go on and on.

I have not shared here yet, but when I received his diagnosis I pictured a mean crabby person.  Honestly.  When people told me 'oh they are always so happy' I was so surprised.  I want you to know that is such a line of BS.  Not true!  Calvin is stubborn as hell.  He is not flexible (as in, change direction and do something else) without extra transition efforts.  Well, I could go on, but I'm being negative.  I pray it is a phase.  He really is getting about every tooth his mouth has to offer.  So I'm trying to be understanding.

Well, thanks for 'listening'.  I need to get past my funk and it is coming.  I am going to start now by getting to work on my to-do list.  I always feel good when I have a long list of accomplishments!!

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Tough Mudder...

I mean Mother.

Things are tough.  I'm in one of those moods.  The thin line that lies between crabby/cranky and snarky.  Maybe just have to be honest.

I have not blogged much lately for obvious reasons like working, mothering, photographing -which is so behind where I want to be :-( and the day to day life of being a wife and sister and friend and daughter and whatever other role needs to be assigned to me.

I'm like that.  People either like me or they don't.  I think if they don't it's cause they don't know my true heart.  I will be honest.  I am easily shamed and many times walked on, pushed over, hugged, laughed at, judged, and many other activities ;)  The point is, I'm just a person trying to figure this out, knowing I never will.

I'll never understand why or how or what to do next.  I think I know who does though, so I try to look up and not out.  One day at a time.  One minute at a time, and when it doesn't go well, look up.  I simply cannot take it on myself.

Take for example my loss of memory these days.  Sure, I can be judged or laughed at for this.  Come on over.  I'll step out and let you (not you) run this show.  It is reality and I'm okay with it.  If people are not forgiving then they will suffer being around me!  I forget shit.  I just do.  Not cuz I don't care or I'm lazy or doing something wrong.  Just cuz I might remember one minute then Evan will come to me and tell me Nolan pee'd in his cereal.  Really, would you prioritize anything over dealing with that?!  I didn't think so.  Neither did his dad...

Then, there's my stomach and the embarrassing fact that at the end of a day I was absolutely miserable and looking 6 months pregnant.  No exaggeration.  Thanks to some supplements I'm good to go (I think) Basically I had no stomach acid or digestive enzymes digesting my food.

Next, taking care of a garage sale that I decided to sell my baby items at.  I was not ready, then I was and now I'm glad.  If I have more kids, so be it.  I'll borrow from everyone else.  I never want to store that crap again.  (Forgive the language, its that thin line talking, I am applying a little filter, and I know it's nothing compared to some of you!)

Okay, what other crap has been on my plate?  Oh, strep.  My own fever was 103.1 on Sunday after a nap that left my throat parched because my pillow stole all my spit.  My pillow knows I have strep right?!

Then, Cal's pneumonia.  Oh, didn't hear about that?  Yep, xray confirmed yesterday but I think we're in the clear.  His temp was also 103.1 yesterday...lucky!  But we're good to go.  Much better today.  He had been on an antibiotic since Friday due to the strep in the house and I think that helped.  My only complaint is the pharmacist and another person working there who told me they didn't have the script ready cuz of a computer problem even though today I found out the dr himself called in the script.  The pharmacist told me last night "a day won't make a difference".  I'm mad at myself for walking away from that and not advocating for Calvin.

Then, for the good news....ready?...wait for it....I have a new nephew!  Colten Douglas born to Joe's sister Doop and her husband Dan.  He is a peanut - 4lbs15oz and I can't wait to meet him.

Tomorrow.  I have had a tiring day worrying about Calvin and being 1.5 hours away for work training.

Okay, that is all I have time for tonight.  Next time.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Fabulous Friday: A look in the past (2 weeks)

Well, well, well, what do we have here?  Some photos you say?  'Bout time, you say!

I'll spare you the details of the past 2 weeks, for now.  I cannot believe it has been that long!  So much has happened and I'll show you these and share more this weekend.  In the meantime, all is fairly well.  Little Tiller has strep, a first for him.  Calvin was cleared by the ENT for 6 months (which reminds me, I MUST schedule his cardiology visit for next month - the month he will turn 2!)

Anywho, I'll write my to-do list elsewhere!  Man, how time flies, whether we want it to or not!