Friday, June 22, 2012

C is for....Colten and Crank (sorry boys)

Here is my new nephew, Colten.  We went to visit him on Wednesday.  He felt just a tad heavier than air.  I cannot remember my boys to be so small.  However, I do think he looks a bit like Nolan did as a newborn - both tiny guys.

I am so happy for my sister-in-law and her husband.
Seeing a newborn sort of makes me crave one.  But not too bad.  As I said, I sold a lot of baby stuff at our garage sale and I'm going to continue working on selling some more this summer (another sale with a friend in August).  I try to remember the labor pain.  The sleepless nights.  The changing hormones.  The "I can't do anything except nurse" time.  I'm just not sure I want to go back to that.  I'm still paying my dues there.  I know that does not sound positive.  I don't mean it to sound negative, just more of a fact.  Calvin has been like having 2 or 3 babies.

This has been getting me in a funk.  I know it is because of the rest on my plate.  For example, I ran and swam this morning while the boys were at daycare (as they are now and I'm choosing to blog = guilt).  I have a to-do list a mile long and that will come next.  Anyway, as I ran I remembered a year ago I was running about 20 miles a week.  Not great, not too shabby.  The problem now is I'm still at about half that!  My own illnesses, the kids', the tired mornings, work training, and garage sale have not left a break yet for me this summer.  However, the good news is I am past that starting today (except next Saturday's commitment).

Next Saturday I am again hosting a race here in town.  I have put little effort in it.  I say I don't care, it will be wonderful either way, but I do care.  Yet, I have to meet myself where I am at.  I'll send the boys to daycare a couple of days next week and call it good.   Calvin has therapy Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday next week.  I am grateful for therapy, but it adds to my funk in that Calvin is 'more'.  Sure, he's worth it, etc. but lately it has felt like too much and then these extras have been weighing on me.

Yesterday he didn't eat much at daycare.  He has been a royal crank (not just for me either) and I don't really look forward to having him around.  In the morning he whines and cranks, if I walk by he does as well, if I hold him then put him down, crank, try to feed him food and he does not want it, crank.  I could go on and on.

I have not shared here yet, but when I received his diagnosis I pictured a mean crabby person.  Honestly.  When people told me 'oh they are always so happy' I was so surprised.  I want you to know that is such a line of BS.  Not true!  Calvin is stubborn as hell.  He is not flexible (as in, change direction and do something else) without extra transition efforts.  Well, I could go on, but I'm being negative.  I pray it is a phase.  He really is getting about every tooth his mouth has to offer.  So I'm trying to be understanding.

Well, thanks for 'listening'.  I need to get past my funk and it is coming.  I am going to start now by getting to work on my to-do list.  I always feel good when I have a long list of accomplishments!!


  1. I'm in a little of a funk right now too, so I totally understand...Calvin sounds like Russell...Stubborn, grumpy...All that good stuff. I feel like I got ripped off of the "happy, easy going" baby every told me I was getting when Russell was born! lol...Ah well, it's all good.
    Your new nephew is adorable :)

  2. I go through funks like that, too. I can never live up to my own expectations. I still admire your running, even though it isn't as much as you'd like. I also feel great when I get things check of my to-do list. Funny what a difference that makes in my frame of mind.

  3. Oh, the to do list. It is never ending, for sure! Funks come and go...and I know you are an amazingly strong and wonderful soon it will pass! Talk to you soon :)!

  4. That is what we are here for - to be good listeners when you need to vent! I agree with Jenny, April, and Becky, we all get into funks. Life is complicated. Here's to hoping you feel better soon!