Saturday, October 20, 2012

Neglect

This blog SCREAMS of neglect!  Good thing it isn't a person!

Life here is finally settling down a tad.  Well, I'd like to think so anyways.  There are moments I've wanted to come here and spew my negativity but I get over it.  That's not much fun nor the parts I care to remember.  When I'm 80 I'll enjoy looking back on all this.  Maybe I'll write a book when I'm sitting in my chair on the front porch.

Yep, I'm a dreamer like that.  When I was pregnant with Evan I would always lay awake in bed, dreaming of my new baby.  All the snuggly parts like holding and rocking him, if it was a girl this, or a boy that.  Yeah.  Then he came a long and completely rocked my little dream world right in to reality.

I sometimes find a fair share amount of joy in thinking I'm not the only one who went through that.  Then, I think of the lesson I learned when I shared that with my dad and he kindly asked me, "do you find pleasure in other peoples struggles" or something like that.  It was a great question.  No, I don't.  But, I do like knowing I'm not the only one who has gone through something.

Take Calvin for example.  I don't wish heart ache on anyone.  But, we learn so so much when we actually have to experience pain and hardship.  Don't we?  Amen to that!

One thing that always catches my breath is when people say "God never gives us more than we can handle".  That is not true.  God designed for us to fail and wail.  It is during these toughest moments these past 5 years that I have been crawling the ladder up to God.  Sure, I get stuck.  Or I fall.  Sometimes I stand there staring at my feet when I should be looking up for my next grasp.

Life is hard.  I learned early on in life this is how it is.  But with that I learned coping mechanisms.  I take those lessons and teach them to my own kids.

For example: Life is not fair.  So, when we have a treat, say M&M's or something, I do not count them out to make sure the boys each have the same amount.  I do my best and no matter what, Evan is looking at Nolan's bowl making an educated guess as to whether or not his is good enough in comparison.  If I hear whining I tell them they get what they get and they don't throw a fit or their M&M's go 'bye-bye'.  Then, usually Evan, will decide it is good and moves on.

Evan is my reflector, in more ways than one.  He talks through every situation.  He talks more than I do.  I so often catch him leading his thoughts with "it's okay because".....This is so wonderful to this mothers ears.  I know he will cope in life.

In fact, he did yesterday.  It has been a bit rainy here.  He told me after school yesterday that they had to run in gym class.  "I got a starburst because I didn't stop."  I asked him how far?  "10 minutes.  Or 15." I told him that was far and it must have been tough. "Yep it was, but I kept saying 'You're a star.  You're gonna play football some day'."

It's not that I'm proud of the football player part, I'm proud of him for knowing how to handle a tough situation.  We can work with that!

Well, I'm ready for a nap.  It is 5:30am.  I am running on little sleep these days.  It is my own fault, sort of.  Busy with photography and stuff around the house and Calvin keeps waking up earlier and earlier.

Calvin has another little cold.  I'd say he's been full of mucus for about 5 weeks now.  His ear tubes are helping and now that he's a little older I think we can avoid major lung problems.  My goal for the winter is zero antibiotics.

Calvin is doing very well otherwise and one of my next posts will include pix of him along with a little video or 2 or 3.  Right now I'm in the dark and need to get the videos off my phone.  Too lazy at the time!

I hope the blog is feeling cared for a bit (though it misses pictures I'm pretty sure)

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