Thursday, February 7, 2013

The Truth

Hey You All.  Sorry for being MIA lately.  I know some of you like to come and get updates because you are family.  I know some of you like to read because you are a dear friend.  Then, there are many of you who come here because you have been touched by someone with Down syndrome.  Maybe you are like I once was, a person in search of The Truth behind Down syndrome and life with a person with Down syndrome.

If you were like me, you set out to research the diagnosis.  You read people with Down syndrome tend to have shorter limbs.  Shorter life spans.  May work outside the home: In something you once considered a lower end job.  You read about the likelihood of complications ranging from eye sight to hearing loss.  The Truth is, the list can go on and on.

But it does not matter.

Thanks to my new friend, Kristy, I know that I need to embrace the "it does not matter" motto A LOT more often than I have.

The Truth is: I am 33 and confused as hell over my life right now.

The Truth is: I may be dipping my feet into a whole new world these days.  Called depression.  If not to that point, some serious unhappiness, coupled with a lack of motivation, direction, goals, appreciation, joy, and too much anger.

The Truth is: I do not feel satisfied right now.

The Truth is: I spend way too much time thinking about what is wrong.  Why it is wrong.  What I can or should do about it.

The Truth is: That is a huge problem.  One I have to make some serious efforts and take steps towards changing.

The Truth is: I need to simplify my life, like I said 2 short, but long, years ago.  Simplicity.

The Truth is: God makes it simple.  We just have to focus on Him and believe and do what we think is like Him and THAT is all that matters.

You see, I have been struggling with some issues of people not accepting me.  Me, not accepting myself in fact.  I am a very very sensitive person.  Too sensitive.  I wish I could 'not care'.  But I do.  I care a lot about other people, including what they think and feel about me.   I care a lot about what I think of myself.  And, it does not matter.

So, I declare, "It does not matter".  I am glorifying God in my choices, and that is all that matters.  Thank you, Kristy.

I am going to hold on to that as I navigate through the next, realistically, couple of years of my life.  A lot has changed for me.  I have gone from a school counselor, something I got my master's degree for, to a photographing stay-at-home-mom.  This is huge.  And, I have not dealt with it yet.  So, I need prayers.  I need peace.  I need prayers for peace.  In the meantime, I am hoping to feel the motivation to come here more often and get back to the way I was happy to live in the past and have let go of.  I hope to improve by learning The Truth and embracing what really matters: Christ.

Sounds a bit cheesy to me - and that, my friends, is a topic for another post.

7 comments:

  1. No, not cheesy at all. So raw so open and so honest...and yes, Christ is the one who can truly help. I will be praying for you. If you ever need anything, please call me. You know I am here for you. You are an amazing person, mom, and woman. I have had many of these same feelings....often bordering on true depression at times. Definitely anxiety. He is the only one who saved me from going deeper. Hugs to you.

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  2. Great honest post! I feel the exact same way. I think you and I are very like in many ways, I also think Max and Cal are like in many ways too:)

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  3. No cheesy at all. I feel the same way and while I wish you were not going through this. . . it is good to know that I am not alone (which is to say that you are not alone either!).

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  4. Lots of hugs. It's amazing how being a SAHM is so satisfying, yet the hardest job ever. And how truly easy it is to be depressed, even when we are doing something so meaningful. Hoping you can gradually find peace and acceptance. I think you are pretty amazing, for what it's worth.

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  5. Being honest with yourself is a great first step. You are not alone, even when it feels like it. Prayers and hugs for you! And remember I don't live all that far way from you, so if you need anything, just let me know.

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  6. Your definitely not alone. Recently I found out that someone who I thought was my friend has been telling people that I neglect one of my kids and that Kamdyns special needs takes all my time. It is very hurtful, but I need to learn to find my acceptance and peace in God and not what others think. Hang in there : )

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  7. Thanks for so beautifully sharing your heart. Oh how I can relate to struggling with what others think of me and feeling like people are judging me for the choices we make for our family and our kids. I will be praying for you, that as you bring your burdens to the Lord, you will find rest for your weary soul.

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